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The Writing Life: Go with Your Strengths
By Deb Gallardo
This article started out to be a part of my previous post on writer’s block. But the more I wrote, the less it became about being blocked and the more it became about giving yourself permission to be who you are.
I’m no psychologist, but I’ve come through some profound experiences that taught me a great deal about life and being true to myself; about following my dreams; and about not denying the gifts and talents I was born with. I’ve also learned the high price we pay when any of those areas is neglected.
But probably the most important take away from the latest 20-plus years of the 58 I’ve been breathing, and in particular the last seven, is that I’m in no position to say that the lessons I’ve learned must apply to everyone right now. Each of us is in a particular stage of life, navigating specific circumstances and events, and we’re all from unique backgrounds. Yet so often I’ve read books or articles by people who have come through great struggles and they espouse a laundry list of universal truths that supposedly apply to us all every minute of every day. To that, I say, “Nothing in life is one-size-fits-all.”
Where I am today can be light years from where I will be next year emotionally, spiritually or physically. There are, no doubt, universal truths. But if God is in the details, then where we are in our personal journey on this earth has more to do with which universal truths apply to us at any given time. My belief is, our personal journeys are custom-tailored to our specific needs (not wants) and while we’re in the throes of particularly difficult portions of that journey is never the time to find meaning in our circumstances. It takes the perspective of time and a different vantage point to make sense of the “why’s” and the “why not’s.”
For example, as a writer who went through a decade of struggle with some kind of block, (exacerbated by two decades of clinical depression), in which I could barely string two coherent phrases together on paper and avoided even opening my word processing program, I would never dismiss writer’s block as cavalierly as some might.
Additionally, as I’ve written before, I’m organizationally challenged, and this character flaw (if that’s what it is, depending upon whether one has a left- or right-brained bias) permeates nearly every aspect of my life. From goal-setting and planning to scheduling and being on time, I struggle with (and suffer from low self esteem because of) failure to measure up to the standards of those who espouse a cookie-cutter method of doing just about anything.
Planning and working through things methodically seems so simple to people who are naturally gifted at organization. It comes as easily to them as breathing, although they will say they work at it. That may be, but they do not STRUGGLE with it or fail at it, and that is the difference.
I would never insist that everyone needs to learn how to be an accomplished musician or actor, two things that are like breathing to me. I could make a case that the skills needed in singing and acting are not only useful but crucial in nearly aspect of day-to-day existence. I can’t imagine a day that I don’t hear music in my head. (Who needs elevator music or an mp3 player and headphones? I have brain music!)
It sounds absurd to people who are not musically or dramatically (drama queens notwithstanding) talented that I would even suggest that everyone needs my skills. Yet these same people will insist that what they are talented in, I must be as well.
Name any skill, whether it be artistic, athletic, academic, mechanical, inventive, analytical, psychological, interpersonal, or something totally “outside the box,” and you will find that most of those who excel in those areas believe their field of interest to be the most important. Furthermore, many of them don’t understand how others don’t share the same interest or ability.
But I have finally learned, after almost six decades (a lot closer to reaching my sixth decade than I like to acknowledge…) that it’s okay for me not to be an expert at everything. I have given myself permission to be good at the things that come easily to me because these things are what I was created for. Likewise, I try not to beat myself up because of the things I’m hopeless at doing. At this point in my life, the likelihood that I will become a fastidious housekeeper is pretty much outside the ream of possibility.
Having denied my passions and gifts for nearly 25 years, I can say unequivocally that doing so caused my decades of depression and was almost totally responsible for the failure of my marriage. Denying the gifts we’re born with, for whatever reason, is like refusing to accept a present given out of unselfish love.
When we are young, we’re still finding our strengths. Once we reach a certain stage in life, however, we know what we’re good at. We know what dreams we’ve had, whether or not we’ve followed them.
Regardless of your age, I would encourage you to go with what you know and love, even if it’s only through pursuing a hobby for an hour or so a week. The more satisfaction you have when you’re doing what you are good at, the more your outlook will improve. The more your outlook improves, the clearer your thinking. The clearer your thinking, the more likely you will come up with a way to do what you love as your main focus in life.
Give yourself permission every day, if possible, to engage in an activity related to your gift. It can change your life. Ultimately, it depends on what stage of life you’re in, but even more important what you’re willing to do and what you’re unwilling to do. I hope that when you’re ready to make a change, that you follow through and follow your strengths.
Related Posts
- Why Do You Write?
- Writing Resources – 2 Couples, Marriage & Coming of Age
- Creative Writing – Do What You Love to Love What You Do
- Creative Writing – Imagination vs. Talent
- Writer’s Block: Resources to Break Through It
4 Comments »
April 24th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Deb perusing around your site led me here. This post speaks volumes to me because I see myself in it. The fact that I too have denied my gifts for a long while not realizing that I was in denial because I let everyone else suck them out of me.
For more than 40 years I thought I was meant to be a door mat. Well, it is still hard to get up and shake it off but I am progressing.
Carma
April 24th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
Carma,
I’m glad this article resonated with you. Sometimes I question why it’s taken me almost 60 years to finally “get” certain crucial things in life. Like following your dreams and living your passion. Did you see the Randy Pausch videos post? I highly recommend it. He’s dying of pancreatic cancer, but he hasn’t stopped having fun and living his dreams.
Thanks for taking the time to look over the site and especially for commenting. I value your feedback.
Deb
April 25th, 2008 at 9:20 am
[...] Comm posted a video today about doing what you love. Since this is a topic I addressed earlier at The Writing Life – Go With Your Strengths, and since so many people on this planet live lives of quiet desperation because they hate their [...]
June 14th, 2008 at 12:09 am
[...] Comm posted a video today about doing what you love. Since this is a topic I addressed earlier at The Writing Life – Go With Your Strengths, and since so many people on this planet live lives of quiet desperation because they hate their [...]